Ch. 11 - Breaking Down

Content Warning: Aggressive Cognitive Dissonance, Disassociation
↓ This is the Audio Companion for Chapter 11!↓ 

Did You Know?
Earth, the home planet of humanity, is approximately 4.5 billion years old as of the writing of this chapter, and has harbored life for 3.5 - 3.8 billion! In spite of such a (relatively) young age, it is home to tens of thousands of years of human history, a much larger time-frame than that of Ci'Tari, which has existed as a life-harboring planet for about two billion years longer than Earth!

Joshua's... he's stumbling away from the door of 'Ichael's room, tripping on nothing. His hands are pulling him up from the wall, and he just keeps going. Empty halls, and no idea of where he's going.

Joshua, what exactly are you trying to do?

...

He doesn't answer me. He just keeps going.

A right turn at this intersection.

And straight through this one.

Still, nobody else to see, no idea of wher--

Huh?

Wait, WAIT! Joshua, go back!

...

Joshua, there was a map! On the wall behind you!

...

Dammit Joshua, stop moving!

A shout!?

Joshua crashes into a cart being wheeled by at least one fe'rot, and followed by another. Nurses?

They pull the cart back away from Joshua who, while it seems isn't all that hurt right now, is still lying on the floor.

The two of them are talking, but... neither Joshua or I can understand, and it takes them a little while to realize this, it seems.

One of them, the one that's Joshua's height but bigger all around, gestures to the other to wait and taps something in their left ear.

"Are you alright? Can you hear me?" they say, leaning down to Joshua.

Joshua seems to get his wind back. He coughs, and pushes his head and chest off the ground with his left hand. The translated nurse offers a hand to him, but it scares him off the ground more than it lifts.

"Hey, hey. Easy," the translated nurse says, as he's now standing upright, wide-eyed and breathing with effort. "You just had an accident. Are you okay?"

He's looking around now, with his eyes. I think confusion is on his face.

"Are you looking for somebody?"

He looks back to the nurses, and is trying to say something. But his throat isn't clear. He coughs again.

"Where's Tor'me?"

The translated nurse repeats the name a few times, whispering inquisitively to themself. Then, a realization appears on their face. "You're from--"

"I need to see Tor'me," Joshua says, trying to put some authority into his voice?

The translated nurse taps their ear again, and starts speaking to the other nurse. 'Tor'me' is spoken a few times between them, alongside some wide gestures pointing away and up. The taller nurse makes some gestures to Joshua, no doubt making him even more anxious than he already must be. The first nurse then stops the conversation, taps their ear again, and looks back to Joshua.

"He's gone to his room with a few people, other... uhh... humans?" the nurse says to themself, their voice moving briefly to the accent they have while untranslated. "Did you come with him?"

"I need to see him," Joshua reiterates. He's really trying to keep himself calm; his right hand is behind him, clenched and shaking.

The first nurse stares for a bit, at a loss for words. They tap their ear, and go back to talking to the other nurse. The taller nurse seems slightly frustrated.

The first nurse looks back to Joshua, and taps their ear again.

"Please follow us, sir."

The nurses both turn and walk to the opposite direction. Joshua follows quickly.

The taller nurse leans down to their side and whispers to the first nurse. Joshua can't understand them, and neither can I.

After a while, they make their way to an elevator, I guess.

...

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be like this. The lack of perspective makes it harder to get details than it usually has been with this guy.

The first nurse taps their ear and looks back to Joshua as they go up.

"This is the last place we know he probably went to. He should be here, with your friends." They smile, trying to keep the air calm and amicable.

Joshua doesn't respond. He just acknowledges them with a glance and a soft grunt. His eyes wander.

"I can't imagine it's been easy wandering through a place like this. Sometimes it's still tough for me to remember where to go outside of the sickbay!" They laugh, and glance back to the taller nurse, and then remember that they can't understand them right now. The first nurse then taps their ear again and speaks to the nurse, responding with acknowledgement and a laugh.

Josh--

Oh! I can see through him again! Thank goodness...

Uh-- Joshua's heart, still going through some paces of anxiety, chuckles some of that energy out of himself, perhaps finally relaxing, even if for a little bit.

While both nurses are strangers, their faces portray a great sense of... understanding. The first one, the one as tall as Joshua, especially had a sense of comradely experience behind their words. The taller one, while seeming a bit less like that, still seemed genuine enough in their attempt to mirror the sentiment.

I'm not getting that at all.

...

Then why do you feel warm?

...

The first nurse speaks again, translated. "What's it like, in that area?"

Joshua just stares for a bit, caught between both questions.

"The desert?" the nurse adds. "I've heard it's not as hot as I thought down there."

"Oh," Joshua exhales, speaking openly for the first time in a little while. "Uh, yeah, it's often not the hottest down there. Sometimes it gets nice and breezy."

"Huh," the nurse replies, finding a genuine interest in the conversation. "Well, it does seem to be at a higher elevation than much of the surrounding landscape. Maybe that's why." They turn back to the elevator with their thoughts, and starts speaking back to the taller nurse.

Joshua turns back away from the others, thinking about Bran and Tor'me.

What are they talking about, anyway?

Probably about what happened today, on the surface.

Doesn't really give a good idea of the subject of discussion though, does it?

Okay, no... but... Well, they went with the doctor too, didn't they?

...Yeah, they did.

And-- hey, Bran did say he wanted a word with the doctor.

"We're here!" the first nurse exclaims, pointing out of the open door of the elevator to another door on the opposite wall.

Joshua stares out the door in surprise, then glances at the two nurses in uncertainty.

But it doesn't take him too long to step out, at the beck of the first nurse.

"We'll just be making our way back then," they say, pressing a button in the wall of the elevator. "Technically still on shift, you know?" A chuckle leaves their mouth just before the transparent doors close, and they leave that floor.

And Joshua stares at where they were... for a while.

...

I will say, Joshua, that was a better interaction than the one you made here before.

It was shorter.

Yes, and you conducted yourself pretty amicably at the end there.

I just needed them to show me where to go. And I'm here, so...

Wait.

Joshua had turned to face the door behind him, where Brandenson was supposed to be, but he didn't move from the rough center of the hallway. At least he's listening to me again.

What exactly do you want to talk to him about?

...

My head is asking me why I'm doing something.

You know why I'm asking. You haven't exactly been forthcoming about everything, for a while now.

What?

Starting from the first big talk you had with It'kara. They were open with you, willing to make adjustments to how meetings with you would go... not even mentioning just the... the fact that they were very friendly, considering the context of our first encounter with them.

Why the hell are you like this now?? Why's this conflict have to only be with me??

You tell me, Joshua. You're the one causing it.

(Yes?... Yes, I know what I said about neutrality. Things are different now.)

There is nothing wrong with me being worried about the literal Aliens in our lives now!

No there isn't. Not on its own. But then, why can't you even seem to explain your worry to yourself?

Myself?? What's that supposed to mean, myself?! These are my damn thoughts!! And actions!!

Only part of yourself is like this Joshua. These aren't the only nagging words in your head.

They don't talk to me like I don't know what I'm doing!!

Yes they do! You have fears, doubts and worries, just like most people you know!

Bran doesn't seem that worried to me!

What about before? Just before, when you first told him about these people? He was worried for your well-being after he saw you panicking! The only reason he calmed down was because you told him how nice they'd been to you! I don't think he would've been so willing to ask these people to help with 'Ichael if he didn't believe he might be able to trust them!

He literally doesn't have a reason to trust them!!

No, enough! We're not talking about his trust, we're talking about you! What about these people has gotten you to act like this?

"...stop, Stop, Stop it, stop it, stop."

Joshua speaks out loud, bracing his body all over in a wave, like he's pushing the thoughts away from himself. In fact, he's not really thinking anymore. Not in a way that I can continue talking to him with.

He looks back up to the door in front. Tears are forming in his eyes, and his breathing is stressed. He stands there, looking at it, his body shaking just slightly.

He goes to the door and opens it. He walks through, and into a light grey room with quaint furniture here and there. Dumbfounded, he looks around, up and down.

Wait.

He looks back to where his eyes just were, just behind him on the ground next to the door.

Brans shoes.

He keeps walking forward, down the hallway directly in front, peeking here and there, briefly searching any nearby rooms for people, anybody. But nobody's there.

He's getting frantic now, and notices a door at the end of a hallway. A traditional door, like the ones on those houses in Galvana. Without hesitation he grabs the doorknob and thrusts it open, seeing everybody near a couch; It'kara, Tor'me, that doctor who worked with 'Ichael, and Brandenson, who looks like he's been crying a bit, as Joshua can see tears coming down his face.

"Joshua?"

...

Nothing. Nothing to hear, and nothing being thought.

"What are you doing here?" Bran continued. His voice came out wrong, as there could've been phlegm or something building up in his throat.

"What are you doing?" Joshua replied, as his eyes darted between everyone and everything in this room.

"Wha--, I..." Bran began, wiping the tears from his face. "I'm asking questions. Stuff about us and..." he trails off, as he's gesturing to everyone else on the couch behind him. "...about basically anything to do with us."

Joshua doesn't move from the door. He just keeps staring. No thoughts I can hear.

"No, you know what?" Bran started, his voice clearing up now. "You need to hear this as much as I do. So does 'Ichael." He caught himself after saying that, and turned around to look back to the doctor, who didn't seem to have the best composure while Joshua was staring. "If you don't mind, that is."

She exhaled sharply, something akin to a laugh. "I suppose I wouldn't."

"What are you talking about?" Joshua took a half step closer, his back straightening up a bit.

"Josh," Bran said quickly, his face a contortion of relief and worry. "Look, she'll explain when we get to 'Ichael, but... there's a lot more going on with Galvana than we think."

Joshua's face turned to confusion, before he quickly jerked himself out of his own trance. "No, wait, wait a second. I needed to ask you about something. 'Ichael had reminded me earlier."

Everyone on the couch was getting ready to move out as Joshua's voice became hushed between himself and Bran. Tor'me and Bran exchanged looks briefly, before Bran walked over to Joshua and turned his ear to him. "What?"

"You said there wasn't anywhere else to take 'Ichael, but... what about that other barrack? The one you came from, when you moved in with us?"

Bran lifted his head back up, not making a sound. He seemed stunned by the question, before noticing Tor'me looking back at them from the hallway he, It'kara and the doctor had squeezed into.

Bran sighs.

"Later. One thing at a time."

On their way back to 'Ichael's room, Bran & Joshua find themselves trading glances to each other. Constantly.

In the elevator, Joshua glances and Bran glances back. Walking through the infirmary, they're glancing.

It only gets more frequent as Sarah explains everything she talked to the others about. Looks of confusion and astonishment from Joshua, both to Bran and 'Ichael, and only a serious look from Bran. 'Ichael at least gave Joshua some relief from his own expressions. But too little too late.

Oppression going back long before anybody alive today was born? Almost total revolution only 20 to 30 years ago?

Brandenson, 'Ichael, Joshua, everybody back in Galvana...

Kidnapped children, turned soldiers???

...

Joshua definitely has a hard time believing any of it.

In fact, he doesn't. While 'Ichael starts digging into the topic with questions, he just leaves out the door.

And with me out of the picture thoughts wise, he's doing it by himself.

And as he's pacing, Bran comes out through the door to check on him. Joshua doesn't notice until he paces back to the door and sees him, concern lighting up his posture.

"I know, it's a lot," Bran says. "Hell, I'm still trying to grasp it. But you gotta admit, what she's saying makes sense, right?"

Joshua just scoffs. "You believe this? All of it?"

Bran wasn't expecting that answer, apparently. He becomes a mix of bafflement and, maybe even a bit of hurt. "We... Well, why shouldn't I?" he stammers out.

"You're kidding right?" Joshua replies, trying his best to keep his voice hushed as he steps a bit closer to Bran at the door. "You've only-- we've only just met her. And all of this shit is a bit much to have as a story, right?"

Now Bran just seems pissed off. "Oh, gee. You're right, Joshua. Every single person we meet outside of the walled-off military base we had no choice but to call home are gonna be strangers to us."

Joshua doesn't have a reply. Bran takes his turn to get closer to him

"Honestly, Joshua. Just... think about what you're thinking about this from. So what if we've only just met these people?"

Joshua starts moving around aggressively. "So what?? SO WHAT???" His voice sounded like it was getting horse with how much he kept himself from yelling. "Bran, this is insane!! All of this! You're just acting like nothing has changed!"

"No, Joshua. Everything's changed," Bran continues, seemingly unfazed by Joshua now. "We can actually talk to the people we were supposed to kill. We can hear them talk, laugh, learn about their lives..."

His face shifts to an unbridled sense of joy, as he walks around Joshua. "They talk to you like people, with experiences just like them. My god, Joshua! They just talk! They don't wanna kill us, or fucking 'Ichael, like literally just today!"

Joshua's resigned now. Nothing to say to that, I suppose. For the best.

"My god, just think about 'Ichael. Think about what's been happening just recently. Do you want him to be safe or not, Joshua?"

Joshua's face perks up briefly. "What about those barracks, Bran? If I remember correctly, they never seemed to want to hurt you."

Bran stayed silent. He stepped back, his face seeming... solemn. Sad, too.

"Joshua," he started, but he couldn't finish. He walks away briefly, rubbing his jaw with one hand and fidgeting with the other. But then he turns back after a deep breath. "I... genuinely don't know what happened to them, Joshua. I don't know what to tell you."

The hallway becomes completely quiet again. Neither Bran or Joshua can seem to find words right now.

...

But Joshua gets a look on his face. One I can't discern.

"Well, why don't we find out?"

...

Silence.

Bran and Joshua stay there, not moving, as the hallway brings just a few people by now.

"Joshua..." Bran continues, sighing quietly. "After what happened today... I don't think we can just go back there."

...

...

"We can't know until we try."